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Re: Win your fantasy football league in 10 easy steps

September 19, 2008

For those of you that read my blog titled “Win your fantasy football league in 10 easy steps“, it is time to follow my words with actions.

I told you so...

I told you so...

Admittedly, it is early days but with a strong start I hope to push on and defend my title successfully. This time last year, I was struggling near the foot of the table after not using the league’s transfer system properly.

Keep checking for regular updates and to see if I am all mouth and no trousers, or maybe I am the fantasy football messiah. Time will tell.

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Is Anyone Immune From The Viral Marketing Bug?

September 19, 2008

Since its original creation and subsequent commercial introduction in the late 1980s, the internet has grown exponentially at an almost limitless speed. The internet, as its predecessors television and radio, is becoming the most dominant media for new marketing techniques. As video killed the radio star, will the internet kill the TV star?

TV advertisements or commercials have evolved. The clear, concise product messages of the past are often replaced with unusual, obscure short films, although some ads will still use the obvious approach when promoting a product. As the internet’s share of commercial sales grows, more companies are using its influence to introduce products to their intended market.

Due to the size and scale of the internet, web advertising needs to be more effective than ever before. At a time where adverts struggle to even reach their target market, viral marketing is quickly becoming a cost-effective as the ‘virus’ concept spreads and more potential customers become ‘infected’. Viral Marketing is generally considered to be video clips, games, images, e-mails and recently text messages.

In the mid 1990s, Hotmail.com was offering free e-mail services, a revolutionary concept at the time. One of the first examples of viral marketing, Hotmail.com would offer free e-mail addresses with a simple promotional tagline. The message would spread through groups and communities rapidly and the campaign was a success. Hotmail.com had made its mark, the product had become well-known and popular and the brand had been established with just a small number of viral messages. 

An early successful example of viral marketing enabled The Blair Witch Project (1999) to take 250 million dollars at the box office, with a tiny production budget of just 22,000 dollars. The marketing campaign relied heavily on word-of-mouth promotion, with internet chat rooms building anticipation and intrigue about the film’s content and time of release.

The Blair Witch Project was a movie with actors, however, prior to its release the film was rumoured to be a documentary by college kids that had gone terribly wrong. The rumours spread quickly and the infected would go on to infect more and more people. By the time the film was released, the buzz around it was at fever-pitch. The Blair Witch creators were pioneers of the viral ad, with viral marketing in its early stages – the standard had been set.

A great viral ad will gain attention and intrigue around a product, so consequently the product must be good, if not great. As the money spent on viral ads increases with the format’s popularity, the expectation on each viral will also increase. A viral ad’s success will be judged on the amount of views the clip achieves, not necessarily on the related sales. 

Increasing sales is inevitably the main target for any company looking to use viral marketing, but the main objective of the ad will not be to promote a specific product. To prevent the viral being too similar to a conventional advert, the product or company name will not be a prevalent part or will be completely absent from the clip.

Recently, there have been many video clips that the viewer would not immediately associate with the product. A UK television advert for Dairy Milk chocolate emerged in September, 2007, featuring a gorilla playing drums to the Phil Collins song, In The Air Tonight.

The advert, three times the length of a regular TV commercial, begins with a close-up of the gorilla’s face. As the camera begins to pan away, the song begins and the gorilla is seen to be seated behind a drum kit. He creaks his neck before launching into the emphatic drum solo. The final shot is the Dairy Milk logo with its slogan ‘A glass and a half full of joy’. The video currently has about two million views on youtube, a major success as a viral ad.

Companies of all sizes will be looking to benefit from the buzz surrounding viral marketing videos. One of the world’s biggest companies, Nike, launched the legendary video showing Brazilian footballer Ronaldinho hitting the crossbar four times in a row without the ball touching the floor. Viewed over 50 million times, the video is classed as possibly the best viral ever made. The confusion about how genuine the advert was, as seen in the case of The Blair Witch Project, only increased its popularity as communities shared the video and questioned how it was made.

A new viral ad launched by Holiday Extras, the UK-based holiday add-ons company, features comedy actor Paul Kaye as a car-park proprietor. The clip, at 92 seconds, shows an hideous alternative to the service that the company aims to offer the customer. This inversion of a traditional television advertisement shows how far advertising has moved since it inception. Having only recently been launched, it will be interesting to see how many views the video receives.

A successful viral advert relies on viewing figures, not the popularity of the advert itself. The aim of the viral is to launch or reinforce a brand identity and to encourage word-of-mouth promotion. With little or no money involved, the viral can be seen by a massive audience who will then talk about it to non-internet users. As the new media grows, so will the competition, forcing viral ads to be more diverse and attention-grabbing than ever.

So, what will the future hold for viral marketing? As the internet becomes the dominant marketing tool for companies of all kinds, it will be used in different ways to promote products and services. As quickly as the viral marketing epidemic spread, a vaccine may appear in the form of new advertising techniques. It is the companies and advertisers that must stay ahead and attempt to infect the public with progressive, innovative campaigns.

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Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?

September 17, 2008

Punk is described in the dictionary as a ‘loud, fast-moving, and aggressive form of rock music, popular in the late 1970s and early 1980s’. So, with bands in the 90s and 00s still being labelled as punk, did it really end in the early 80s and if so, why did punk-rock disappear?

The style of music, attitude and fashion that would evolve into ‘punk-rock’ began with the garage rock bands of the late 1960s. Velvet Underground and the Stooges would pave the way for the mohawked, safety-pinned punks of the 1970s, with their raw sound and apparent embrace of the anti-image.

Punk rock, as we know it now, first surfaced in the mid 1970s when the USA, UK and Australia saw the arrival of fast, edgy, simple songs that shocked the music industry to its core. Punk evolved from garage rock and stripped music of its complexities to create a short, sharp sound that contrasted dramatically with the glam-rock and disco of the era.

The sounds coming from USA seemed to find their spiritual home in New York City at the CBGB club in Manhattan. CBGBs began life as a bar, before reopening as a rock club in late 1973. Early Television gigs would set the tone of the club, as the punk sound would gradually gain momentum in the New York music scene. The Ramones, godfathers of three-chord punk, would play their first gig at the venue on August 16, 1974.

Across the Atlantic Ocean, the British were in the middle of the recession and the working classes were looking for an outlet. The Sex Pistols, the new band managed by Malcolm McLaren, played their first ever gig at St. Martin’s College on November 6, 1975. The Sex Pistols, fronted by punk icon Johnny Rotten, epitomised the anarchy, anger and fury of England’s youth and quickly gained notoriety for their fast, furious and chaotic performances.

The influence of the Ramones clearly went further than the New York scene. Britain embraced the punk rock movement with some of the most-influential bands originating in the English scene, The Clash, The Damned and Buzzcocks as well as Cockney Rejects and Crass. However, punk wasn’t limited to the UK and USA as the antipodean punks would follow on from the New York and London.

Australia was the next country to face the punk invasion when The Saints released their first single in 1976. Formed in Brisbane in 1974, The Saints demonstrated the same quick, raw sounds as their overseas contemporaries. Bob Geldof put the Australian band in the same bracket as the influential UK punks when he said “Rock music in the 70s was changed by three bands – the Sex Pistols, the Ramones and The Saints.”

On December 1, 1976, the Sex Pistols appeared on Thames Today, a prime-time London TV show. The show’s host, Bill Grundy, inadvisably goaded the band and provoked a foul-mouthed response from guitarist Steve Jones. The profanities would spark media controversy that would only serve to fuel the fire of punk in the British youth. Punk had truly arrived.

As punk moved from the underground clubs to the mainstream, the fashion, attitude and behaviour would be replicated. The Sex Pistols would self-destruct after just one studio album at the end of a tour of the US. At the end of a chaotic gig at the Winterland Ballroom on January 1978, Johnny Rotten addressed the crowd with “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?”. This appeared to be mocking the crowd, however, it was the same feeling that Rotten had while playing in a band where he felt let down and isolated. Rotten left The Pistols and the band was finished.

Although the Pistols would attempt to carry under on under Malcolm McLaren’s guidance, the band was finished. As soon as punk had arrived, the genre had its first high-profile casualty. The Ramones would continue touring and playing for about 22 years, with a consistent line-up. The Clash would evolve and develop, becoming a major success in the USA disappointing many of their original fan-base with their newer, polished sound. 

Punk arrived amidst a barrage of spit and obscenities, with such a fierce intensity that its shelf-life was inevitably short. As soon as the mainstream caught on to its popularity in the underground, pop-culture diluted the anarchic, angry, rage into a more profitable and contrived revolution. Punk bands wore the right clothes and said the right things to make some people lot of money.

Malcolm McLaren would epitomise this attitude with the amount of merchandise, recordings and eventually a movie to which he would attach the Sex Pistols name. It had begun as a snarl against the establishment but had quickly become a way to make a lot of money from a few ambitious boys from London. The time had passed, punk had erupted and dissolved in a heartbeat, but its influence would be felt for many years to come.

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How To Make That Plane Journey Fly By

September 9, 2008

As an impatient, restless and easily-bored person, the idea of hours in a plane, car or train is not an attractive proposition. Planes are the worst for feeling restricted and confined, especially when you have long legs and aren’t lucky enough to get an aisle seat or additional leg-room. So, as you prepare for the long journey ahead, take a look at the following list and ensure you are well prepared.

Remember, once you are on that plane, there is no getting off to buy those things that you wish you had packed. Trains and cars offer a more flexible system, but you should still follow the same rules. You never know when you will get the chance to fill your bags with these life-saving items, so always prepare before you even start that journey.

The most uncomfortable part of the plane journey is not necessarily the plane or the journey. As Jean-Paul Sartre exclaimed in his play No Exit – “Hell is other people.” This famous phrase can often describe the feeling of annoyance as the noise, smell or constant nudging of your seat neighbour begins to irritate you to an almost psychopathic extent. There are many things that you can use to distract from this irritant, and you may need to use all of them.

The modern-day traveller has an endless amount of technology at their fingertips, and the aeroplane is the perfect place to take advantage of such great inventions. Mobile telephones are slowly becoming allowed some usage on planes, but until then, technology fans can make use of the other top inventions of the last century, the digital audio player and the handheld video game console.

The digital audio player or MP3 player offers a more convenient, streamlined and powerful version of the portable cassette player. Ten to twenty years ago, passengers would be carrying a brick-sized tape player, accompanied by a clutch of various cassettes with all their favourite tunes to keep them occupied and entertained. Today, the process is so much more simple.

A couple of weeks before your flight, download the songs that you want, put them onto your MP3 player and ensure that it is fully charged. Pack it in your hand luggage and prepare for a journey with the sound of decent music in your ears, rather than the horrendous screech of children or the monotonous drone of ‘that’ man that loves the sound of his own voice. If you don’t know who that person is, then it is probably you.

For those people old enough to remember Tetris, Sonic and Super-Mario, the next item will provoke nostalgia and emotional memories. As a child, journeys would fly by with the simple friendship of the handheld video game. There are so many of these to choose from, with simple often being the most effective. Hours will seem like minutes as you become so involved in the games, that when you close your eyes, the scenarios reappear in your mind and you continue playing them until you eventually fall asleep.

If technology is not your strong point, or your budget doesn’t stretch to these electronic saviours, there are cheaper alternatives that have been delaying boredom for hundreds of years. Magazines and newspapers can keep you interested for some time, with the additional bonus of a crossword or quiz to take up a few more precious minutes. 

As a restless person, when taking magazines onto a plane, I often become annoyed with the magazine itself and regret wasting the money on purchasing it. You can buy a quiz-book or book of puzzles as these can help distract your mind for longer periods than celebrity-filled trash at three pound a go.

Facing hours on a plane and with early or late boarding times, a passenger may not have the opportunity to eat before their flight. Nearly all planes offer hot food when you travel now, but don’t expect a michelin-star meal or you may be terribly disappointed. Pack a few snacks and treats into your hand luggage, and enjoy the foods that you love without paying the sky-high prices on board.

Hand luggage is becoming increasingly important and the planning and preparation stage should be taken seriously. With more restrictions and rules in place, what you take on board will be closely monitored. Adhering to the rules, but packing important items that will help you enjoy your flight, will ensure that long-distance plane journey will fly by in the blink of an eye.

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The Evolution of the Cartoon Character

September 9, 2008

A cartoon is described in the dictionary as being a ‘simple drawing showing the features of its subjects in a humorously exaggerated way’. Cartoons have evolved from their origins as preparatory drawings to satirical sketches in newspapers and periodicals in the 1800s, and more recently to an exaggerated representation of human life as shown by modern examples such as The Simpsons.

Although the satirical types of cartoons sketches do still exist, with controversy often surrounding the artist and subject matter, the term cartoon has evolved massively in the last 150 years. A cartoon means something completely different today as TV shows, films, advertisements and comics rely heavily on cartoon characters and the art of illustration in place of realistic drawings or life-like art.

Cartoons, as humorous drawings, originated in 1843 when satirist magazine, Punch, used the term to describe the sketches by artist John Leech. Leech’s Cartoon no. 1: Substance and Shadow, shows the first use of the term cartoon in relation to a humorous drawing or satirical sketch. 

The political or humorous cartoon had been used for years previously, but Leech was the first to coin the phrase. As early as 1754, Benjamin Franklin created the drawing of a snake in various pieces with the caption ‘Join, or Die’ to encourage unity amongst the colonies prior to the French and Indian War. The use of editorial cartoons to promote a specific message originated in the early 1700s.

Cartoons were often used to promote political or social awareness, as they would appeal to people of all levels of education with a simple message. An easy-to-understand message would prove invaluable as a persuasive tool and so posters and editorial cartoons would use cartoons with a strap-line create a brief, concise meaning.

The Franklin cartoon was the clever use of an iconic image with a single line to portray a strong message. This type of cartoon became regularly used in the 1900s when gag cartoons would be published in popular magazines including Punch and the New Yorker. One of the key artists, Peter Arno, is widely credited for inventing the gag cartoon when working for New Yorker magazine.

As well as the single-caption gag cartoon, comic strips became popular around this time. Comic Strips originated in the late 19th century in American newspapers. The difference between comic strips and the gag cartoons of the same era, is primarily that of length. The comic strip will tell a story in a series of images with text attached in speech-bubbles or captions.

Some of the most famous comic strips that use this traditional method are still in use today. From its beginning in 1950, the Peanuts comic strip by Charles M. Schulz published a total of 17.897 strips before the death of Schulz signaled the end of the cartoon. The success of the Peanuts comic strip led to the four-panel gag strip becoming the industry standard for comic strips in the United States.

Peanuts would be one of the pioneers of the cartoon transition from comic strip to television and film. Others that would make the move with varied success include Dennis the Menace, Dick Tracy, Andy Capp and Garfield. The motion picture would be the biggest step in the evolution of the cartoon, most famously made by the films of cartoon legend Walt Disney. 

Disney’s first venture into animated film is shown in the Alice Comedies, a series of short films that combine a real girl with an animated cat, all set in front of an animated landscape. This technique was revolutionary and signaled the direction of future live-action/animations including Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and Space Jam in the 1990s.

Disney would go on to create some of the most influential cartoons in history, including the most recognisable cartoon character of all – Mickey Mouse. Mickey was created in 1928, first appearing in the Plane Crazy cartoon with his long-term beau Minnie. Mickey went on to star in hundreds of cartoons and remains the most popular cartoon character that Disney ever created, ahead of the likes of Donald Duck, Dumbo and Pinocchio.

The change in media to animated film paved the way for some of the most influential cartoons of the 20th century. As well as the massive number of Disney films that would change the landscape of film forever, many other cartoons would light up the silver screen as the years passed. Warner Bros.  cartoons began soon after Disney’s inception and would introduce the world to a number of amazing characters that remain popular to this day.

Bugs Bunny appeared for the first time on screen in the 1940 animation A Wild Hare. In 2002, Bugs Bunny was named by a popular television magazine as the greatest cartoon character of all time. Other popular Warner Bros. characters include Speedy Gonzales, Daffy Duck and Porky Pig.

Another popular company to produce animated cartoons was the American company, Hanna-Barbera. Responsible for some of the most respected cartoon series in the latter part of the 20th century, Hanna-Barbera produces classics including Tom and Jerry, Scooby-Doo and The Flintstones. These animations would influence some of the biggest hits of the century, as cartoons began to mimic real-life and have more realistic characters instead of the animals or fantasy stories of Disney and Warner Bros.

As the animated film became the most common place to find cartoon characters, the style, themes and techniques changed dramatically. As situation comedies dominated TV schedules on both sides of the Atlantic, animators would look to recreate this style with cartoons as the main characters. Out of this concept, the most popular animated series of all time was born as the world was introduced to The Simpsons.

The Simpsons were as far removed from the likes of Walt Disney as could be possible. The fantasy, fairy-tale style that was so prevalent in Disney’s cartoons was replaced by crude, raw animations of a ‘normal’ American family. Launched in the late 1980s, the cartoon has remained immensely popular with over 400 episodes and a feature-length movie grossing almost 600 million dollars worldwide.

The Simpsons would be criticised by conservative sections of the US as they claimed it provided bad role-models in the forms of the lazy, incompetent Homer and the naughty, disruptive Bart. The Simpsons would show a normal, working-class family in some realistic and some unrealistic scenarios, yet the characters themselves were always believable and empathetic. The disruptive, anarchic style and often controversial episodes would pave the way for even more controversy and animators pushed the boundaries of acceptability in cartoons.

The most controversial cartoon series of the 20th century would follow The Simpsons with regressive cut-out animation, cartoon violence and satirical story-lines. South Park would parody popular culture and satirise current events, but would arrive amidst a storm of controversy for its toilet humour and offensive language. 

174 episodes later, South Park has been running for twelve series and has achieved Academy Award nominations for its feature-length South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut. Despite its seemingly puerile beginnings, South Park would develop into a cutting social commentary, satirising subjects as diverse as euthanasia, the church of scientology, sexuality and global terrorism.

The Simpsons and South Park represent the current crop of exciting, contemporary cartoons that will influence the cartoons of the future. There are already countless other cartoons that borrow style, themes and humour from these two pace-setters, with the likes of Family Guy, American Dad and Futurama continuing the trend. 

However, Disney has been opting for computer animations with its most recent films including Ratatouille, Finding Nemo and WALL-E. So is the art of the cartoon dying out in the modern cartoon’s home – Florida? With new film-makers, animators and artists always looking for the next-big-thing, cartoons will always be popular for creators and the viewers, so the cartoon will continue to go from strength to strength.

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Five things to keep in your car

September 5, 2008

When you reach the age where you begin driving lessons, you learn how to drive the car, the highway code and rules of the road, and you may even learn how to change a tyre or replace the bulbs. Some people learn a lot more and these are well prepared for any eventuality that may occur while they are out on the road.

Driving is a learning experience. It doesn’t matter how long you have been driving or how many times you have broken down, crashed or been pulled over by the police – you will always be more prepared the next time. Every time something goes wrong with your car, you will be prepared if the same thing ever happens again. Experience teaches you to be prepared.

There are many items that are recommended for you to keep in the boot or glove-box of your car. Your driving instructor may chat to you during your lessons, giving little hints and tips that they have picked up in their years of experience. Also, if your father is an experienced driver, he will often give you advice about the common problems that motorists face and so will help you avoid falling victim to these preventable obstacles.

An inexperienced driver may not know what to do if their car broke down, especially in a quiet road or where few cars will pass. Nearly everybody now will have a mobile phone so this will not make the Top Five List. However, ensure you have an in-car charger and that your phone is able to make calls in case of such a problem.

With a mobile phone, you are able to contact the right people to ensure that if you are stuck somewhere, they will come and get you or will send a recovery service to ensure you aren’t stranded. However, recovery services can take a long time to find you, so always take a blanket with you in the boot of your car. This can be used for sitting on, if the ground is wet, or to keep you warm while you wait to be recovered.

Another key item that will prove invaluable in this situation is a battery-powered torch. Stranded in the dark is not a pleasant experience, so packing a torch will make it more bearable and will help you with any minor repairs. Changing a tyre can be a tricky business in the dark, so always keep a charged torch in the car.

If you drive to work, family occasions or any event where you are expected to maintain a set dress-code or appearance, ensure that your glove box has either tissues or an even better choice – wet wipes. Wet wipes or baby wipes are a fantastic addition to your holiday luggage, so why not keep them handy for road trips and car journeys away from home.

So many car problems that you may face will involve lifting the bonnet, handling parts or touching the exterior of your car. As all car-owners know, the outside of your car will become extremely dirty in a short space of time. Handling tyres, dipsticks, wiper blades and even your petrol cap can result in your hands being covered in dirt, oil and general grime.

The use of plastic gloves when refilling your tank is a great start, but carrying a pack of wipes will enable you to feel fresh instantly and prevent the transfer of filth onto your clothes. When you are well-presented for an important meeting, it would be infuriating to find an oil smear on your ice-white shirt. Wipes can also be used by families with children that have sticky fingers after food, clean hands will mean clean seats and upholstery.

Anyone who has been in a car when it overheats will understand the importance of the next item on the list. A two-litre bottle of water. This is not the emergency drinking water that you may take if you were driving across a desert or the Australian outback, but water for more practical purposes.

Recently, while driving along the motorway, I came to a long section of roadworks with a plethora of heavy machinery and small army of workers. As i continued through the roadwork populous, my windscreen became opaque with dirt and dust. I anxiously clutched at the magic wand of windscreen wash, alas, it was empty. I vainly attempted to move the dirt with my dry wiper blades, only to make matters worse. More by luck than judgment, I made it to the next junction where I filled up with the free water at the service station. And i survived.

This is a serious issue and can grossly affect your visibility and therefore your ability to drive. The benefit of a bottle of water vastly outweighs the slight annoyance of it sometimes rolling about while you drive, causing a strange noise that makes you think there is a small animal burrowing into your back seat. The other benefit for the water, aside from filling the windscreen wash, can be gained if you use it to fill your radiator to avoid your car overheating, as mentioned earlier.

The fifth and final item that you must always keep in your car, is another one that you should attempt to have on your person at all times. As with a mobile phone, this item maybe shouldn’t make the list as most people carry this wherever they go. However, I am going to suggest that you must always have money, currency or cold-hard cash in your car.

To carry cash in your car is not going to encourage someone to break into it, unless you display it blatantly or if it is a big wad of hundreds of pounds in notes. By cash, I am suggesting that you ensure you always have a few pounds of coins and change in your car at any one time. These coins will be extremely useful at various times, mainly when you need to pay for a parking space or if your route requires you to pay a toll.

Coins can fit into various small compartments in your car, so ensure that you stock up and always have a minimum amount that you will never go below. Car parks can be expensive and rarely accept credit card payments, so these coins could save you a lot of money in fines and parking tickets. 

Tolls are rare in the UK, but will be found more regularly, when you travel for greater distances. Be prepared for this and fill your car’s ashtray with some pound coins and fifty pence pieces, and you will avoid that awkward, uncomfortable realisation when you reach into your pocket only to feel your sweaty thigh.

So, to summarise, ensure your car is equipped for most emergencies that you may face. This advice is just a starting point, and the more experienced that you become as a driver, the more items will be added to your list. As you finish reading, go get your blanket, torch (with batteries of course), bottle of water, wet wipes and coins and put them in your car. You never know when you might need them, but if you haven’t got them in there you will regret it at some point.

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The Love Songs That Make You Feel Sick

September 4, 2008

A good love song involves meaningful lyrics, quality craftsmanship and the ability to provoke an emotional reaction. For every decent love song, there are countless others that rely on weak lyrics and clichés in an attempt to become a big-seller as the number one wedding song of that year.

Just by reading the lyrics of a bad love song, you can begin to despise it before you even hear the music. An example of this is the increasingly annoying and upsettingly popular James Blunt hit – You’re Beautiful. Sentimental, emotionless and sickening, Blunt’s voice pierces the listener’s brain like shards of glass.

“You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, it’s true.” 

The repetition of the title suggests that Blunt lacks any imagination or ability to construct meaningful lyrics. To end the couplet (?) with it’s true again emphasises the complete lack of meaning in the song and removes any sense of feeling or emotion in what he is singing. Feeling and believability are paramount in the success of a love song, although record sales suggests Blunt’s song is more successful than I give it credit.

Almost twenty years earlier, Chris De Burgh was setting the precedent for cheesy love songs when James Blunt was still in short trousers. The lyrics themselves aren’t anywhere near the standard of James Blunt, and the meaning behind them has been clearly explained by De Burgh as about his wife. However, as with so many popular love songs, the lyrics become unbearable the more you hear them.

“The lady in red, the lady in red, the lady in red, my lady in red. I love you”

The song isn’t grossly unpleasant, but there is something extremely irritating about the climax when De Burgh repeats the title before cleverly changing the lyric to ‘my lady in red’ before speaking the final line ‘i love you’. So many people’s favourite, Lady in Red is too saccharine to be considered a great love song.

De Burgh and Blunt may be the most popular choice for many bride and groom’s first dance all over the world, but Bryan Adams monopolised that market for years. From the Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves soundtrack, (Everything I Do) I Do It For You was the number one single in the UK for 16 weeks, USA for 7 weeks, Australia for 11 weeks and numerous other countries too many to mention.

The premise of the song is simple. Adams is singing to a loved one, telling them that he does everything for them – linked to the relationship of the film’s characters, Robin Hood and Maid Marian. The song was unpopular with the film company and they  The film grossed over 150 million dollars at the box office, and the song became a global smash.

“There’s no love, like your love. And no other, could give more love

There’s nowhere, unless you’re there. All the time, all the way.”

Again, as with De Burgh, the lyrics are reasonable but the extent to which radio stations, TV shows and DJs played the song killed any chance it had of being considered a good song. Now, whenever the opening bars of the song are heard, the listener’s memories will recollect pre-teen school discos, sentimental television shows and Kevin Costner – as well as other things that should be left in the 1990s forever.

When we listen to love songs, we want to feel some sort of emotional connection with the material, the singer and the meaning behind the lyrics. With so many love songs that go on to sell into the millions, the lyrics become diluted and lost as the song loses its identity. Maybe this is the argument for Bryan Adams and Chris De Burgh but there really is no excuse for James Blunt.

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The Academy Award for Best Loser goes to…

August 22, 2008

The Academy Awards, more commonly known as the Oscars, are the highest accolade for directors, actors and writers to achieve. The outrageously glamorous ceremony is held each year to much fascination, excitement and media clamour. With regular viewing figures of over 30 million people, the Oscars are the most-talked about film event in the world.

Winners are lauded with praise as Earth’s film fans watch the emotional speeches about who helped them along the way. But what about the winners that never were? Those that managed to slip through the net of glory, as a less-deserving winner stole the prestigious statuette.

As the friends and families of losers all over the world have said at one time – ‘somebody has to lose’. To lose is not a pleasant feeling for anybody, but a to have a deserved victory snatched from one’s grasp is a devastating blow. Just ask Martin Scorsese, who until 2007 failed to win the Academy Award for Best Director despite a succession of fantastic films.

Scorsese, since his directorial debut in 1963, had managed a massive 59 Oscar nominations prior to the release of The Departed. Five of these nominations were for Best Director, for film classics such as Raging Bull, The Aviator and Goodfellas. 

Film fans all over the world will be aware that Goodfellas was nominated for six Academy Awards, with Joe Pesci scooping the film’s only gong for Best Actor in a Supporting Role. Despite the Academy’s apparent failure to praise the film adequately, many other polls and award ceremonies were more just in their decisions.

Various film awards were presented to the film, its cast and of course the film’s director Martin Scorsese. Fifteen years after its release, in 2005, Goodfellas was named the greatest film of all time in a popular movie magazine poll. This celebrated, commercial and critical success had lost out at the Oscars to Dances With Wolves and Kevin Costner. Ridiculous.

Scorsese is not the only director to have been senselessly ignored for the big prize, history is filled with nearly-men and also-rans. Quentin Tarantino burst onto the scene in 1992 with his heist-movie Reservoir Dogs, an independent film that would become a critical success. Tarantino was the seen as the ‘next big thing’ in Hollywood and when his next film arrived, the anticipation was more than warranted.

Pulp Fiction smashed every other film of 1994 out of the water with its rich dialogue, clever use of a nonlinear narrative and some fantastic performances from Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman and a dramatic comeback from john Travolta. However, at the Academy Awards it won only one of its seven nominations – the Best Original Screenplay Award.

The winner of Best Picture, Best Director and four additional Oscars in the year of Pulp Fiction was Robert Zemeckis’ Forrest Gump. A fun, jovial trip through 20th century America, Forrest Gump was a commercial and critical success (six Oscars and 677 million dollars gross revenue) but surely cannot be considered in the same breath as the work of Tarantino.

Tarantino is yet to repeat his Oscar win in 1994, and will undoubtedly avoid the Best Director award with his controversial subject-matter and violent films. However, if the likes of Mel Gibson’s Braveheart are picking up Best Picture and Best Director, maybe it’s for the best that Tarantino goes unnoticed by the Academy.

There have been some embarrassing decisions at the Oscars in its history, with films like Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey losing out to Oliver! for Best Picture and Best Director. The strange choices are not consigned solely to the films but have always appeared in the awards for actors and actresses.

Tom Hanks winning the Best Actor Award for Forrest Gump may have been a reasonable choice, but when you look at the nominations there could have been a more worthy winner. Films like Pulp Fiction and The Shawshank Redemption were in the running, yet the sentimental movie took most of the plaudits in 1994.

In 1976, Robert De Niro (Taxi Driver) and Sylvester Stallone (Rocky) were nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actor but lost out to Peter Finch for his performance in Network. Now, Finch was impressive in the role but is it possible that De Niro didn’t win because of the violent film for which he was nominated. Scorsese’s film would receive a total of four nominations and would win none. 

Controversy will always surround the decision of the Academy, with so many films, actors and directors fighting for the coveted titles. With so much acclaim attached to a single award, it is unsurprising that the competition is so tough and contested.

Decisions are made, arguments ensue and film fans everywhere will be asking the question as to why their favourite was unsuccessful. There have been some strange, and even unbelievable results that have left the critics and fans equally bemused.

So, after 44 years of trying, Martin Scorsese picked up his massively overdue Best Director Award for The Departed. If this is anything to go by, Quentin Tarantino may get the recognition for his work by about 2038, as long as he tones down the violence and swearing a little.

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Text Speak, Slang and Other Forms of Language Abuse

August 21, 2008

The youth of today have been changing our language for as long as I can remember. When I was one of  the youth of today there were no mobile phones or instant messenger services and I’m sure we didn’t swear at adults either. With this said, youngsters have always found it necessary to change, abbreviate and generally bastardise the English language at their own discretion.

In recent years, words such as ‘hoody’, ‘bling bling’ and ‘chav’ have all been in such regular use that they has been included in the English dictionary. This sacred language is anything but when in the hands of the nation’s teenagers, who are becoming both more destructive and creative with the words they use.

New words are a welcome inclusion into language as they ensure the way people talk continues to evolve and remain fresh. William Shakespeare invented words like ‘lonely’, ‘torture’ and ‘bedroom’, Charles Dickens penned the term ‘boredom’, and the British youth coined the phrase ‘you get me?’. Is there really a difference between them?

The main difference between the language that the youth of our country have adopted and the invention of words by two great authors is not just a cultural one. Shakespeare created 1700 new words by merging words, changing verbs to adjectives and adding prefixes and suffixes. His creativity enriched the English language with an influence that will go on forever.

When you hear a child of no older than ten or eleven say something along the lines of ‘Swear down bruv, i taxed it’, you wonder where it all went wrong. With exam results currently at their highest ever, and English Language still one of the compulsory subjects, it makes you think whether these kids have a second language for the street.

With rap music becoming more influential on the way the British kids dress, act and speak, it’s understandable that various phrases from this culture will seep into the English language. As England becomes infected with the global epidemic of ‘Americanisation’ we must keep our language strong and for starters continue to use an ‘s’ where the yanks would use a ‘z’. It’s not ‘Americanization’, and I don’t care if the automatic spell-checker highlights it.

Despite the obvious influence of the Americans on our country, we do attempt to change things ourselves. Abbreviations are prevalent all over the world, and have become even more common with the popularity of text messaging and online chatting. Sometimes the abbreviation is so abstract that it would take the Enigma code-breakers to decipher some of the sentences.

Shortening words to fit in to a specified space is understandable, although I still find this mildly irritating. But, there is a problem that is creeping into society that we rarely speak of – the laughing acronym. E-mails, text messages and instant messaging services are full of the laughing acronym that, in my experience, will be used to feign actual laughter.

Tell a joke to someone via a text message and they may respond with a three-letter response – LOL. This acronym tells you that the recipient ‘laughed out loud’ to your joke or message. I can put up with this as it is a simple phrase that says what it means. However, even this phrase has been abused and manipulated to the extreme with all sorts of variations.

LMAO and ROFL are in common usage now, where the sender wants you to know that they found it so funny that they either laughed their backside off or rolled on the floor laughing. I, for one, have never rolled on the floor laughing and I find it hard to believe that anyone else has either, especially at a simple comment that wasn’t even a joke.

I’m not being funny but… is another phrase that irritates and infuriates me beyond belief. When someone starts a sentence with these five words, prepare for the least funny thing you will ever hear. It’s clear from what they say that they aren’t being funny so there is no need to warn the listener in such a way.

An equally strange phrase to use is when at the end of a sentence, possibly during a pretty straightforward story, the speaker questions the listener with ‘do you know what i mean?’ or ‘you get me?’ (if you want to sound more ‘street’). They are not explaining the space time continuum or how to split an atom, but think you may not have understood their story about the long queue in the supermarket. I honestly get it but I don’t look interested for a reason.

Language can be a beautiful thing, used in the correct way and with enough care and consideration. Text speak is gradually reducing the nation’s ability to produce sentences that are grammatically correct – so we must take our language back. Refuse to abbreviate and construct proper sentences with real words and phrases to help make a difference.

Slang makes the language we use every day richer and can also be used to lighten the mood and tone of a conversation with a simple word. Speaking and writing are two separate forms of communication and should be treated as such, with the written word taking more priority for correctness and legibility. Be adventurous with your language and enjoy the spoken and written word, but ensure you make sense and never ROFL at a joke, ever.

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The Tale of the Tortured Soccer Genius

August 21, 2008

Every sporting profession has them – the talented individual that appears to struggle with their inner demons. Despite having enviable skills and physical ability, the tortured genius fails to adopt the mentality of a professional sports star. For every model professional that lives for their sport, there will be another person that plays to earn money and then will indulge in the extravagant lifestyle that their celebrity provides. 

Soccer players are some of the most celebrated sports people on the planet, with earnings that make the common working man shudder. With this money and fame comes a greater responsibility to perform both on and off the pitch at an impeccable standard. David Beckham, as the most famous soccer player alive, has coped admirably considering the media scrutiny that his life encourages. But for every David Beckham there will be a Paul Gascoigne or a George Best.

Gascoigne and Best were two of the most skillful players that the sport of soccer will ever produce. With style, speed, charisma and determination, these two players would have the world at their feet and then see it all slip away. Although these two would represent their clubs and countries at the highest levels, their talents would have deserved more than what they achieved.

George Best made his debut for Manchester United at the age of 17, two years after the club scout declared to then manager Matt Busby – ‘I think I’ve found you a genius’. Best would go on to make over 350 appearances for the club, as well as 37 caps for Northern Ireland. Among his honours, Best lifted the European Cup and was named the European Footballer of the Year in 1968.

The ability of George Best was undeniable, but as his skills and looks saw him earn the nickname the ‘fifth Beatle’ the problems would begin. His popularity led to a celebrity lifestyle that would ultimately affect his performances and he struggled with gambling and alcoholism. Best quit Manchester United at the age of 27, a time when a professional soccer player would be considered at their professional peak.

Best’s abilities appeared to wain as he drifted from club to club across a number of countries before eventually retiring at the age of 37 while playing for Bournemouth in England’s Third Division. At the age of 59, Best would die of a kidney infection, a side effect of treatment of a liver transplant. Although Best enjoyed a successful career before and after playing, entertaining soccer fans across the globe with his skill and charm, the question will always be posed as to how good he really could have been. 

A soccer player’s career is a relatively short one with the average player getting ten to twelve years to perform at the highest level possible. There are exceptions to this rule, with players hitting the heights as early as 17 and 18 years old and improved fitness helping players continue into their late 30s. 

Paolo Maldini Made his debut for AC Milan, aged 16, and continues to play to the present day past his fortieth birthday. Maldini is a shining example of what ability, combined with hard work and commitment, can achieve in the modern game. This shows the different achievements that are possible with the right mentality, attitude and frame of mind.

English soccer player Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne burst onto the international scene at the World Cup Finals at Italia ’90. After dazzling the world with his skills, Gascoigne’s tears during the semi-final against Germany made him superstar. With the soccer world watching, Gascoigne’s season at Tottenham Hotspur would attract interest from Italian side Lazio, who would agree a fee of 8.5 million pounds with his club.

Gascoigne was set to move to Italy at the end of the 1990-91 season following an appearance in the FA Cup Final against Nottingham Forest. With the glorious Wembley Stadium as the venue, Gascoigne’s final appearance for Tottenham was expected to be a fitting swan-song for a fantastic player.

Gazza went into the game with determination and ambition, although his enthusiasm would eventually be his downfall. Eager to impress, Gascoigne crashed into an opposition player and was cautioned. However, this failed to prevent what would happen next as he clattered into Gary Charles and ruptured cruciate ligaments in his knee. 

Immediately Gascoigne appeared devastated and in a state of agony. Stretchered off the pitch, he would watch the rest of the game from a hospital bed and would sadly miss the whole of the next season with the injury. His transfer to Lazio would take place 15 months later but for a largely reduced fee of 5.5 million pounds.

Despite a lack of club form and frequent injuries, Gascoigne would continue to represent his country as a talismanic performer. His performances would silence the doubters and media who would scrutinise his private life at every attempt. At Euro ’96, he would be named in the team of the tournament with his performance against the Netherlands an unforgettable highlight.

Gascoigne’s career from here would suffer many more setbacks with injuries and personal problems making headline news. Controversy was never far away, and he would receive death threats from the IRA for celebrating a goal against Glasgow Celtic with a mimic of the flute-playing Orange Order marchers.

Despite a resurgence in his form for Glasgow Rangers which earned him a 3.4 million pound transfer to Middlesbrough, Paul Gascoigne would be omitted from England’s World Cup Squad for France ’98. England manager Glenn Hoddle faced criticism for this decision from soccer fans across the country, as the team were eliminated in the second round against Argentina and Gascoigne would never play for his country again.

At the age of 31, Gascoigne’s abilities were fading and he moved from club to club searching for the adulation that he seemingly craved. A trial in the USA with D.C. United was unsuccessful, as was a short spell in China. A short reign as a manager was cut short due to his battle with alcohol abuse, as he was fired from his role at Kettering Town after less than six weeks.

Fans will continue to follow what Gascoigne does next as they remember the ability, charm and childlike enthusiasm that he effortlessly displayed on the soccer pitch. However, his continuous struggle to escape alcoholism is sadly comparable to that of another faded, tortured genius – George Best. These two talented performers struggled to adapt to the media spotlight that had been thrust upon them as a result of their natural abilities.

Best and Gascoigne suffered similar fates in the game, with careers shortened that had promised so much more. Both suffering from alcoholism, the two would reach the top of their game but with the talent they had could have raised the bar as high as they wanted. There are many more and will be many more to do the same, so it is the soccer fans duty to enjoy them while they can.

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